This may end up being quite lengthy... so settle in and grab a snack! Enjoy! I will start with all the goods first!
We had a scheduled C-Section for Ashlynn on Friday June 13th. Even though it was scheduled there was still lots of excitement, and yes I was still nervous! My dad and Lynn, sister and Madalynn all came into town for the big day. What a huge help it was to have them here too! I didn't have to worry about Brayden one bit! He was well taken care of and a very busy busy boy!
We had to check in at 6:15. Everything really did happen kind of quick. Once we checked in I was changing and getting IV'd, shaved, and signing my life away. LOVE my doc though and was really not worried one bit! Once I was prepped for surgery they moved me on in to the OR... got my spinal and cath and we were on our way. It's amazing how more aware of everything I was this time. I wasn't exhausted from laboring this time. I was wide awake through the whole thing. I felt lots of pressure but no pain. Once they started, it seemed only minutes before Ashlynn was out. It was the closing back up that seemed to just last forever!
She was born at 8:12am all 8lbs 8oz and 20 1/4inches of her. Since she was born by C-Section she had a lot of fluid in her lungs and was having a hard time breathing. She needed to be put on oxygen asap. I was really quite oblivious because I was being "put back together". Gary said it was pretty scary because she just would quit breathing for a few minutes. So they swooped her away quickly after I got to see her. I guess babies born vaginally get "squeezed" more and it flushes a lot of that fluid out as they are born. Anyway we were told she would have to be under oxygen for 4-5 hours. But maybe an hour later they were wheeling her into my room! So exciting. She is just beautiful!! She looks just like me and looks like Brayden did when he was born!
I'm recovering well, now anyway. I had a few scary moments after I got home from hospital with my incision opening. But we are all good now and healing quickly.
I can't believe already she will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. It really does go by so fast and sometimes I need to remind myself of that, as I have had a few rough days. Her first week I felt so blessed and thought that I had such a good calm baby. She is miss fussy buckets when it comes to sleeping (but only during the day) She screams and screams until she wears herself out and then will finally fall asleep. NO, I don't just let her cry herself to sleep yet. Still too young I think for that. Not sure why she fights it and it's different everyday as to how I can get her to finally sleep. Sometimes a car ride, sometimes her swing, sometimes rocking her, sometimes just laying her down and leaving her alone. She definitely gives me a run for my money. Guessing game everyday. I don't get frustrated with her, it just makes me sad for her and makes me second guess what kind of mom I am and if I am really good at this newborn thing or not. I don't like the not knowing. Brayden was a really rough newborn too. Cried and cried and cried... we got past it and I know we will with Ashlynn too. I still love her to death though and feel so blessed with the children I have. This love thing for your own children is actually pretty amazing! It's so instant and so abundant! I had a friend of mine come over one day before I had Ashlynn and talking about how do you love another child as much as you love your first. She is a mother of 4 kids. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the thought of loving another baby as much as I love Brayden already. She said you just do. There is no work in it. It just happens and it's natural. She was right. I don't have to work at it. I just do love her and I love her just as much as I love Brayden.
Boy did I miss Brayden though, while I was in the hospital. My emotions (hormones) really got to me. I remember on my last day in the hospital one of the nurses came in to say goodbye and I was crying because I missed him so much and was ready to be home with him. (Which by the way, my nurses were so awesome! I would totally go back to Avista any day!!) I worried and still worry and did cry a few times about making sure Brayden wasn't feeling left out with having his new baby sister home. I didn't want to lose my connection with him. We have an amazing mother/son bond and I didn't want that affected in anyway. Of course there are changes at home and of course my time is now split a little differently. But I feel like I am managing it pretty good. He is doing so well with his sister and is so helpful. He is so loving and always giving her kisses and wanting to hold her. I never force the issue, I always let him do his thing and in his own time. I can see them becoming good friends one day! He will totally protect her I'm sure.
I really do feel blessed. I know when she is crying so much I sometimes ask God if He is sure He knows I can handle it, and somehow I make it through it and another day comes. I am grateful everyday for these kids that I have been given the gift of raising here on earth! I feel a tremendous amount of love from my Heavenly Father that He trusted me enough to send these 2 beautiful children for me to watch over them and protect them, to teach them and to love them. I know I'm in no way perfect at it. But I do try really hard to do my best.
